A BIT OF FLUFF
Mary gives us an intriguing view on travel and the interesting people one meets on the
journey.
“Where are you going?” said she. “I am taking a slow boat to China” he replied. She: “Some people
are so rude, I was only trying to be friendly” and walked away. He: “I really am taking a slow boat to
China, I can’t help it if she was offended. This was Paul Theroux speaking.
My husband and I loved travelling. When we came back from our trips, my son Norman said, “I
hope you are not going to bore all your friends with your travel photographs”.
I am going to share a kaleidoscope of memories with you, about some of the people that we met.
In many cases they added to our enjoyment. Memories can only be photographed in your mind.
Said the Maitre’d, “Let me make you Cherries Jubilee.” This is a memory of travelling on the
“Windsor Castle.” “How am I going to convince my little daughter that it is sinful to gamble, when
every time she walks past the “one-armed bandits” she wins loads of money?”
At the age of 16 years I applied for a position as a junior shorthand typist. This was in a shipping
company. In those days they were not called travel agencies. Strange how your choice of career,
no matter how humble, can direct your life. It was unfortunate that my boss knew shorthand and
whenever I took dictation he said, “Sir Isaac Pitman must be turning in his grave.”
Luck was with me. There was a vacancy “on the desk” as they called it and I was promoted to
being a travel clerk, booking people to travel in 1946 by sea and on the exciting new innovation,
the “flying-boat”. There was a shortage of berths, a waiting list for passages. This was just after
World War II.
At this stage in my life I did not think that one day I would also travel on the Union-Castle Line to
England, cruise down the Nile; go to Alaska; travel to New Orleans on the “Delta Queen.” This is
just to mention a few destinations.
To celebrate our Silver Wedding anniversary we went on a Rhine Cruise. We shared our table with
a German couple who were also celebrating their Silver Wedding anniversary. They could speak
no English and K was having a busy time translating.
Hans was a bodyguard to John Kennedy when he visited Berlin. He said “Kennedy picked up his
knife and fork, ja. No not only to eat with, but to give emphasis to points he was making.”
One of the guests walked up to the Captain’s table and before addressing the Captain, looked
around to see if every body was watching him to see how important he was.
Gerta, his wife, had that marvellous Berliner humour. “That man carried his shirt over his arm,”*
she remarked as the guest turned to resume his seat. This was said when we were invited to the
‘Captain’s Tea.’
K and I on our travels amused ourselves making up stories about fellow travellers, and our German
friends had the same habit. There was a huge man, carrying an expensive camera. When he
walked we saw that he had enormous holes in the soles of his shoes. The caption that we coined
jointly was “I’ll walk miles for a Camel cigarette.”
We could not understand why one woman who looked miserable, took the trip. She pushed her
food around on her plate and did not seem to eat. I said “She has an ulcer.”
Hans said, “Her husband has been unfaithful to her and she has not yet forgiven him; she could
not eat.”
On a trip to Alaska one of the side attractions was to shoot the Mendenhall Rapids. We were given
suitable gear to wear. We all felt very brave. Two of the participants were Sarah and Rachel, two
sisters in their 70’s enrolled, who but were constantly fighting. “How could you put my name
down?” grumbled Sarah. “Oh Sarah, we are both getting old, we must start to live dangerously,”
replied Rachel. This trip turned out to be the highlight of their experience. When I saw them next
day I said, “Have you forgiven your sister yet?”
“Yes, I have told her to book again for next year,” she replied enthusiastically.
Midnight feasts are a display of wonderful ice sculpture. Bill was tucking in with real enjoyment.
Eugene said to Bill. “Bill, you are you so fat because you eat too much!”
Bill, a very placid scientist of note, replied, “Eugene, I am very happy with myself, what I have done
with my life and the way I am. Come, join me and stop worrying about Audrey chasing toy boys to
make you jealous.”